There aren’t many good single men around in New York City. At least, that’s what everybody is telling us. When Deanna* moved into the city in the latter part of 2021 and was able to see if there was any truth to the statement. After being single for the first time since his boyfriend, who was with her for three years split with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was around this time when a private Facebook community called Is We Dating the same Guy NYC was announced as a good option to follow. The group featured a thorough prescreening process and community guidelines that served as a barrier to entry. It was nearly 43,000 strong. Deanna was intrigued, so she enrolled.
The community
The group-which was established with the specific goal of helping women find out if their love interests were actually seeing the wrong people-was founded in March 2022. Each major US city has a similar community now and the rules are simple: Everyone can post anonymously, with no restrictions on doxxing or sharing sensitive information and in no case can screen shots be removed from the group. There is no harassment, no blame-shifting, no hate speech. Never inform a man that he’s been listed in the group.Read about datingfortodaysman.com At website Following the scandal that of West Elm Caleb, a man who many women from New York shared negative dating experiences and connected the dots online, it seemed many women were searching for a method to search out others like him. According to one TikTok user said on the subject This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is, in fact, what the group had turned into before Deanna joined. Each edition of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a space for women looking for romantic advice or want to give advice to men who they’ve had bad experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, the practice of sending out other women to lure them through social media sites has also become very common. It’s all too easy to fall down a tunnel of screenshots of Hinge profiles, tales about hookups that have gone wrong, and memes about the perils of modern dating. The most well-known posts include photos of men who have his initials, requesting what kind of person has matched or had a relationship with the person that is being asked about. Red-flag emoji are a frequent display on small but alarming posts that warn of an ex or a bad experience typically accompanied by the downward-pointing arrow and the scary wording See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our lives in recent years the last few years, with one study revealing that approximately 39 percent of heterosexual couples have met their loved ones online. So it’s natural that the social element of romance has to adapt to the new digital age. Instead of gathering with group of friends over drinks or venting to coworkers, we are now seeking the counsel of 43,000 women with similar – and in some cases precisely the same experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie A group member. Not to say there aren’t benefits however, it was beneficial for me in terms of reframing my perception of dating. It’s not a competition with other women, but it is holding men to a greater expectations than before.
It’s not lost on me that certain of the behaviors that is facilitated and encouraged in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be warning signs if used by potential partners. Images, the details of private messages, and screenshots published without the consent of the other party or knowledge are a plethora of. People look up social media profiles on a regular basis. It’s easy in order for a prospective date to be called hot. While Deanna enjoys being in the group, she has reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she adds. But I believe you’ll come across the problem that it’s like an echo chamber of ‘Men have kept pushing us for a long time, we’re going to do it right back.
We are still an unjust society
We still live in an environment of patriarchy. Therefore, until we’re truly equal in our online interactions, they will have different reverberations depending on the culture of each individual. Yet, can a group of this sort really provide proactive in its empowerment on the one hand of the coin, and morally reprehensible atrocity in the name of God on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy is hyperlocal and is only useful for those who live, and even date in the city the organization is based in. The women, as well as the men they profile could be your next-door neighbor, coworker, friend, family member, or your most of all, a recent Hinge match. There’s also a depersonalization that occurs when operating on the internet, which makes this all seem like something you play. It’s not a stretch to say that this is a form of objectification to the dates in both groups. This is particularly true when the details of private conversations, interactions as well as photos were shared without knowledge or consent, often as a means of entertainment.